Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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