When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
