It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have feelings that need drinking.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
