I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
