my vag is so smooth its legendary
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
