I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize