You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
