is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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