my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You did what with his pubic hair?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
