yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
