dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
