so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
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