Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
