I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
