We won't sleep together?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
