New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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