took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So many bounce houses so little time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
