This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
