ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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