Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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