No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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