I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i love accidental penises.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize