I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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