I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
