You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She is in my trunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
