Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
