There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my shit smells like andre
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
