Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're too hungover to prance.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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