i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
why do cheetos always look like penises
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
