He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
