So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
