Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
