I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
