I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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