what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
