Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
