There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
