Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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