Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
