and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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