I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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