Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
