Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize