The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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