I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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