honey bunches of taint.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
