I met the friendliest cop last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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