I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
