Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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