Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
