Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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