Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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