DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
