you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
