I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
