I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
