Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
