I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
