So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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