addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
