Sacagawea was the original milf.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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