My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize