my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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