i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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