So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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