people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize