i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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