i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
