It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
