How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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