overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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