omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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